First of all, let it be known that “Bieber” is German for “beaver”.

Although I’ve been out of the US for some time, and don’t watch television at all, nor do I read newspapers or listen to gossip on the train, I’ve still heard about this boy-wonder known as Justin Beaver (Bieber, sorry).  At first I’m like “yeah, probably just another teen idol or something”.  But then I started hearing ever so many jokes at his expense, and thought, “is he really that bad?”.  After looking into things a bit, I found out the following:

  • he was “discovered” on YouTube singing soul/R&B songs from the 60s/70s
  • he’s Canadian
  • he quickly broke every known record and is a billionaire
  • is an active member of Funny or Die

For those keeping score at home, we’ve got +4pts.  And up to now, I couldn’t preview any of his actual music, because the GEMA prevents it in Germany. (Another story for another time…)

However, through Hide My Ass, I was recently able to sample some of his works, as well as interview and public appearances.  And now, a few things are absolutely clear:

  • he got a big break because he looks good, could sing reasonably well, had good taste in music, and was ready to play the fat-cat music industry game
  • he doesn’t write his own songs
  • his voice isn’t that good after all
  • the dude is super young, and probably missed out on the very important formative years of high-school where you get the shit beat out of you for singing in the choir, and then go to college and excel, and then don’t even show up to your high-school reunion because you’re too successful and living in Europe…

So, please stop being mad at this future Michael Jackson.  Let’s just enjoy our little “prince of pop” and watch with anticipation until he falls so long off the high pedestal we build him up on.  Harvest is coming soon…

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